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TOPIC: How do you forgive the hurt?

How do you forgive the hurt? 5 years 3 weeks ago #878

  • KariAnn
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And why it is so difficult sometimes? Really, if somebody tells something offensive about person, but those words are not true, and that person knows that – then why that “somebody” provokes so much dislike? Sometimes even one gesture or wrong look is enough to feel hurt. Often hurt can lead to crime. People whose character is offensive can offend on the entire world for even the small hurt received from somebody. Offensive situation is turning in brain, always gives reminder, offender looks like a monster, people remember the pain from hurt all life. It happens that even if offender has got forgiveness from offended, when something bad happened to him or her, people feel something like gloating satisfaction. Conversely, if the life of offender is good, people feel disappointment.

Why it is difficult to forgive the hurt? Christianity forbids any revenge to offender, and even the one of its main concept is to “love the enemy”. How not to carry the hurt in the heart? Same time, the ability to forgive sometimes consider as weakness. What makes bars to forgive the hurt and to get peace?

I have asked so many questions about forgiving the hurt. I would like to discuss any experience in forgiveness (or opposite) which you had in your life. How do you forgive the hurt?
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How do you forgive the hurt? 5 years 3 weeks ago #884

  • franc
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Hello! Here are some thoughts I want to share in this topic. Firstly I want to notice that hurt is a very special sentiment and it is different in dependence on the situation we use it.
For example, if we speak about physical hurt, it is very difficult to avoid it, because it doesn’t depend of us. It is about our body and not about our soul.
Another situation is when we have to deal with moral hurt. Here we can’t speak about physical damage, but in cause is our soul. Our soul and our emotion are those who should face it and they can do it. This is a type of hurt that we can control and we should do it.
Here I remind a quotation: “What doesn’t kill us, make us stronger” and I believe in it. Every hurt gives us strange to combat it and to become better and more experienced.
If we speak about forgiveness, we speak about our pride and self-respect. We can forgive a lot of things, but we should remain self-respected after this forgiveness. I think here everybody has it’s bottom line, a point until he can forgive. So the choice remain for you: forgive or not forgive?
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How do you forgive the hurt? 5 years 3 weeks ago #910

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The only thing I want to ask it's why somebody has to forgive hurt?
To feel better to leave all bad thought behind? Yes, this is the reason.
But in other case I think we shouldn’t push on our-self. If I don't want to forgive it? Why should I?
When time comes I will forgive or forget it.
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How do you forgive the hurt? 5 years 2 weeks ago #998

  • amy_g
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I think it depends on exactly what you're trying to forgive. I find, in a way, it's easier to forgive people you don't really know, because then the stakes aren't as high. I find it far easier to forgive a co-worker who has told rumors about me to other colleagues than it is to forgive a family member or a partner. I think the reason for this is because we're not as heavily invested with the co-worker, whereas when it's someone close it feels more like a betrayal than just a 'hurt' against you. What do you mean by 'hurt' exactly, though? Just anything that made you feel bad, courtesy of other people?

My personal tips for forgiveness, not rooted in religion but just in human decency, are as follows: consider that you've probably inflicted similar pain to other individuals. This may not work for big things, like your husband cheating, but if it's a matter of horrible rumors, it almost always works. Sometimes rumors don't even start on purpose, and I think most adults have, at some point in their lives, initiated a rumor or two. That makes it easier to get over the discomfort they've caused you. Also, it's almost always a good idea to have a heart-to-heart with the person who hurt you. I find sometimes I get caught up in the moment, so I can't word myself well in a face-to-face chat, but, fortunately, we can always send an email. If I've been hurt by someone I will try and write them an email, then leave it overnight (just to check that what I wrote isn't inflammatory or overly mean) and then send it off. By explaining how the person hurt you, you're giving them a chance to apologize and address the exact things that are still an issue and preventing your forgiveness. Finally, sometimes time is the best medicine. If you can't forgive someone, maybe it's a good idea to just change your setting. Don't try and retaliate, that never helps, but you can just leave and cut that person out of your life (or if you can't physically cut that person out, you can definitely do it emotionally and socially).

That is how I try to forgive, I hope it's helpful to you? If it's not, maybe tell us your exact story, and we can try and help you out? Our community here's pretty friendly, I'm sure a bunch of people are going to have useful tips and such.
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How do you forgive the hurt? 5 years 1 week ago #1006

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Hurt can be forgiven because it is forgettable like any other human emotion. We say many times “I will never forgive him/her!”, but in fact it depends on time. Little hurt is forgiven fast, deep hurt – slowly, but the fact is that it is forgiven anyway.
Another moment in such a situation is that is not good at all to be angry for a long time. All of us are people and all of us do mistakes and hurt each other. It is a truth of our life and we can do nothing with it. The only advice I can give to you is to keep far from people who hurts you a lot!
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How do you forgive the hurt? 5 years 1 week ago #1024

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Frankly specking I don't understand forgiveness at all, as for me if somebody has hurt you have all rights to not forgive him or her. More over I think the person doesn't have to forgive people. Because ones been hurt by someone you will bring you pain again in 99 percents.
I think people forgive hurt because of internal weakness and not because of wish to forgive somebody.
People are afraid of losing people in their life, not even thinking do they need these people.
Why do we need people that hurt us?
Maximum what i can forgive if hurt was done accidentally. But in any case you should decide why this pain was caused. Because of carelessness or disregard?
I may be blunt, but I live in harmony with myself.
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