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TOPIC: How to be patient?

How to be patient? 3 years 8 months ago #1792

  • CeliNe19
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I would like to hear some advice from you on the topic, "How to become patient."
My temper is not perfect and sometimes I can lose it on minor things. For example, if I don't like something I get irritated and can hurt someone, I mean verbally. Later, I regret that I said such things and offended someone.
How to keep patient and not to lose temper? What to think about in those hard moments? Because I can't take a hold of myself.
This is a real problem, because this often happens at work and my boss is quite unhappy with this. I could lose my job...
Thanks.
Last Edit: 3 years 8 months ago by CeliNe19.
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How to be patient? 3 years 8 months ago #1821

  • SkyBlue
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I understand you very well, because I had the same problem. But one day I understood that it isn’t good for me, and I have to change my behavior, because it can bring to terrible consequences, and I began to work over myself.
First of all I tried don’t get mad over small things. For example someone got nasty in transport. In this case, I tried to change my attitude and react calmly. Then I began to do more complicate things, for example when something wrong in the family. This is especially frustrating, because when close people offend you, it is unpleasant.
Of course things do not always work, and I had failures, but important not to blame yourself and try on, not looking on fail. You can’t get all from first time. It is great work, because, I think, work over yourself is the hardest work.
One more advice on this topic is for that moment, when you lose patient. You get irritated because of your thoughts, but to prevent anger you have to think about something else. For example in that moment, when you feel that lose your patient, begin to count in brain, or try to remember and tell some verse, or try to think about something that bring you patient but about this you have to think in advance.
For me these pleasant thoughts it is about sea, or traveling, or summer. I remember how is cool when you have vacation and spend your time at the sea, and all my anger passes.
But after this, when you calm down and see at the situation second time, you change your point, and it isn’t seems so terrible.
It is one point, another one is meditation. In meditation we get that internal balance, which allows us to remain calm even in the most difficult situations, because we know how to return to the state of mind, which is present during meditation. In fact meditation is just a habit to be calm and confident. In my opinion it is a very good habit.
One more advice is to read suitable literature. Often books give a very good practice advices, because there are collected the wisdom of all people. And I think all problems is described somewhere, especially so common problem like yours.
Most importantly, even if something goes wrong do not blame yourself, because guilty create anger and all this stored like a snowball, and it is better to forgive yourself, even if you're somewhere not resist and failed. The main thing it is to go on, to love yourself and be in a good mood.
:)
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How to be patient? 3 years 8 months ago #1823

  • CeliNe19
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Thanks, for your answer SkyBlue.
Often books give a very good practice advices, because there are collected the wisdom of all people. And I think all problems is described somewhere, especially so common problem like yours.

I did read lots of books about how to be patient or how not to lose temper, or how to cope with stress, and I did learn something from there, but it didn't help me much, well, maybe for some time.
That's why I needed something practical, verified and widely used.
What I use now is when I get angry with someone I try quickly to find something that will make me feel pity for him/her. Or whe it comes to parents and family, I try to think that if I get mad and fight with them and then something bad happens, this could be the last thig I've done, and I'll feel sorry later on. Or I try to think that if something bad ever happens, I will remember how hard I behaved and how I hurt them, and I will feel sorry.
I consulted a doctor and he said that it could also be because of health condition. I mean, I should take care of my liver, kidneys and thyroid.
But I would really appreciate if you give me more advice that works. Thanks.
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How to be patient? 3 years 8 months ago #1825

  • nuzker
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What is patience? It is an ability to stay calm in unpleasant situation or to be able to wait. It is also am ability to stay calm when you need to bear a pain or need to humble with something or somebody in your life. Patience is an ability to be optimistic about your own future, about the difficulties that will be. Patience is a virtue of a wise man and a good teacher. Patience shows that you are already mature person in your spiritual life.

What are the advantages of patience? Patience could open an ability to bear more than a man thought he could before. Patience gives us the strength for overcoming all the external and internal difficulties. Patience gives freedom from hustle, vanity and anxiety. Patience gives you hope for the “white stripe” in your future. Patience develops the ability to withstand to offence and anger.

What is patience in our everyday life? When you are in difficult circumstances in particular patience helps you to survive in misfortunes and failure. If you are a teacher, in particular patience helps you to explain the most completed material to most light-minded pupils. If you are a military, in particular patience is one of the victory`s components. And people also say, if you are a parent you need twenty free years, a million dollars and you should be abundant in patience, caress and tenderness.

Now we have come to the most important step in patience “guidance” if it is possible to say so.
How to develop patience?

Parents, who are able to speak to their children in patience, explain all their questions and doubts inculcate to their children patience. If a person consciousness tries to acquire knowledge, he already habituates himself to patience. Because it is impossible to get success without patience.
Religion has one of its virtues as patience. If a person religious man he becomes patient.
And one of the most important things is work on you. If you are trying to get rid of such qualities like bustling, superficiality and inability to carry something through you bring up such a wonderful quality like patience
It is the rule of rules, and the general law of all laws, that every person should observe those of the place where he is.
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How to be patient? 3 years 8 months ago #1837

  • Steven Redclife
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Parents, who are able to speak to their children in patience, explain all their questions and doubts inculcate to their children patience. If a person consciousness tries to acquire knowledge, he already habituates himself to patience. Because it is impossible to get success without patience.

I have to agree with you on something, but not on all. Yes, parents show their children what is patience, but they don't teach them how to be patient. And it all greatly depends on their temper, because there are people who would stay calm if the third world war started, but there are ones who would panic when they are late for work or didn't buy gifts for Christmas.:)
And if you are short tempered, then it's quite hard to keep yourself calm.
One of the solutions, if something unpleasant happens, would be to think that if that happend it doesn't mean it's for the worse, maybe it's for good, and it usually happens so.
Ok, you got fired from your work - no problem, I'll find one better. I personally experienced this, and I did find one a lot better than previous. Or think of an unpleasant situation as of a lesson and learn from it. Next time it happens, you won't commit the same mistake.
When people accuse you of not doing something well, when you are not guilty, or that it's your fault that something bad happened, you just have to explain them that you did everything like you supposed to. If they do not understand, it's their problem, next time you will avoid them and that is all.
It's very important not to take everything to the heart. Your health is more important than somebody's whims. OK? And nowadays it's quite expensive to go to doctors :)) So keep that in mind. You have a long life ahead.

P.S. I would also add that try to laugh or just smile when something clumsy happens, think of it as a joke or a funny story which you would tell everybody later and laugh together :)
Some people create their own storms, then get upset if it rains.
Last Edit: 3 years 8 months ago by Steven Redclife.
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How to be patient? 3 years 8 months ago #1840

  • SkyBlue
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Yes, parents show their children what is patience, but they don't teach them how to be patient.

I am sorry, but I don’t agree with you, because parents teach children with their behavior. When child is small, he see at the parents and copy their behavior, therefore people say that when in the family appear children parents should behave very careful. I don’t know family, where parents are calm and children are emotional, or vice versa, when parents are emotional and children are calm. May be so families exist, when child has such a temperament from nature, but I don’t know so.
I believe that the character of the child still forms in childhood and is dependent from people who surround him, and first of all from the parents. Of course, there are friends, and other relatives, with whom the child could communicate and who influences on his character. But parents affect more on the character of the child. If a child is certainly not constantly left by parents and educate by grandmother and babysitter.

I try quickly to find something that will make me feel pity for him/her.

This is good practice I think, you could imagine that in every people live a child, because this is true, and when you fight with somebody, we imagine that you fight with a cute child, and all desire to quarrel pass.
Because if a person offends you be something, have rude behavior, it is mean that he has problems himself, something in his life isn’t all right. Maybe there are some problems or difficulties in his life, because a happy person never is rude in transport, never quarrel because of trifles. Happy person only gave you a beautiful smile and kept silence.
About parents I think we shouldn’t fight with them. It is not their fault that we have problems. I think we have to respect parents and even when they aren’t right, we have to agree with them, but we can do like we want. Parents don’t know how will be better for us every time. Sometimes they are wrong, but this doesn’t mean, that we have rights to yell at them, or to do something rude.
We have the right to do as we want, as we consider that will be better for us, but we should definitely listen the advice of parents, because they are older and more wisdom then we.
:)
Last Edit: 3 years 8 months ago by SkyBlue.
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